[jonkster]

There are lots of great stories that people (including me) tell that I often suspect at the time are probably false but secretly hope aren't because they are just such good stories. They deserve to be true.

eg The BBC started transmitting TV in the 30s and the broadcasts were stopped due to WW2 in 1939. The story I heard was when they restarted transmission in 1946, the commentator (the same one who made the closing announcement in 1939), opened the first transmission with the line "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted..."

Unfortunately that turns out to be a myth

What stories have you heard that you think should be true even if they aren't?

 

[Boldor]

There's a myth going about that Aussies wear velcro shoes. It isn't true and nor should it be. It'd make us walk funny.

 

[Catenaccio]

"The war began in my front yard and ended in my front parlor".

Wilmer McLean owned a farm in Virginia at the beginning of the US Civil War, a place called the Yorkshire Plantation. It was shelled by the Union forces in the First Battle of Bull Run. As a result, McLean moved his family 120 miles deeper into Virginia, a place called Appomattox Court House. When Lee surrendered to Grant it was in McLean's 2nd house in McLean's parlor.

McLean was supposed have said "The war began in my front yard and ended in my front parlor."

 

[Black Dog]

My favourite is the supposed exchange in the House of Commons between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor:

"Sir, you are drunk!"
"And Madam, you are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober!"

Or:

"Sir, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee."
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it!"

Or there is the comment supposedly written by Churchill in the margin of a document he had dictated, and which had been typed up by a clerk. The clerk had 'corrected' a sentence where WC had ended a sentence with a preposition. He restored the original word order and commented:

"This is the kind of stupid pedantry up with which I will not put."

All apocryphal, sadly.

 

[HAP]

There's a myth going about that Aussies wear velcro shoes. It isn't true and nor should it be. It'd make us walk funny.

Oh Bo. I am so sorry to tell you that it is either magnets or Velcro that keep you folks attached to old mother earth. Ask my grand kids.

 

[leftarmlogan]

I kind of wish there were mutant alligators living in the sewers of New York City.

I guess I'll just have to settle for mutant turtles.

 

[D41]

I always liked the urban myth about the Scottish police officer. The story goes that somewhere in the highlands he was running a radar trap on a lonely & quiet country lane when an RAF Tornado on a training mission hove into sight...idly thinking "I wonder how fast that thing is going??", he aimed his radar gun at it.
Unbeknown to him, the Tornado was in full "battle-mode"...the plane's defence system immediately got a lock on the location of the incoming radar signal and was only a few seconds from firing a homing missile at the policeman's car when the pilot realised what was happening and shut everything down.

Not true, but it still makes me laugh at the thought of it.

 

[Boldor]

That reminds me of two others Dee.

There's a tale going about that mischief makers stole the plates off a mobile radar vehicle and fixed them to an alternative vehicle which was then deliberately driven past a radar camera on multiple occasions in excess of the speed limit, creating an awful stir back at the bureau of traffic infringements.

Second one. A copper pulls up a speeding motorist and after interviewing the driver returns to his patrol car to write up the infringement notice. Upon returning to the wayward driver to issue the notice, the driver passes the officer an even bigger fine notice for not wearing his fluorescent safety vest. The driver was a safety officer.

I suspect that both are bullschit, but they ought to be true.

 

[D41]

Now you've just reminded me of something that happened to me back in the UK in the late '80s.

I was driving home at night and when I had started the car, or just a few moments afterward one of my headlight bulbs blew out. Sure enough, a PC saw me and pulled me for it half-an-hour later.
"You know why I pulled you, son??"
"Headlight?? - it just went out."
"Yep....still, the car shouldn't be on the road like that even if it did just happen....I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you a fix-it ticket."
"Really??...then what about you??"
"What d'ya mean, 'what about me??'"
"Your headlight is broken too!"
Cop looks back at his car with slowly dawning comprehension...

"In that case son, drive safe and have a good evening!"

 

[mistermellow001]

My family fell prey to an exploitation scheme (one of many attempted) regarding the so-callled Hall-Edwards estate. I don't know the details, but basically, a prime chunk of Lower Manhattan (Wall Street, Trinity Church, World Trade Center) was supposed to have been passed to the Edwards family after expiration of a 99-year lease. There was also a trust fund estimated to be worth billions. Records lost, cover-up suspected, etc. For over 100 years, there have been several unsuccessful lawsuits to reclaim the trust fund, property rents, etc.

In the '60s, one of my aunts fell for a mail-fraud scheme that claimed our family was an heir, but we had to kick in court costs and attorney fees to win the case. The FBI busted the crooks, and I'm sure my family (and lots of others) were properly embarrassed. For a short time, though, everyone in the family thought they were going to be rich. LOL It's a little-known story, but the New York Times has written about it over the years.

 

[mistermellow001]

Another story that sounds true, but I suspect is a myth (I haven't looked it up) is the one about a woman who's husband left her for another woman. He called her and asked her to sell his Corvette and send him the money, so she did... for $50.00. Hilarious if true.

Also, I wish it were true that Elvis was really dead. The guy's washed up.

 

[radan2]

Senator Margaret Chase Smith and author/poet/critic Dorothy Parker were leaving a party and arrived at the door at the same moment.

Senator Smith gestured for Ms. Parker to go through first, saying, "Age before beauty."

Dorothy walked through the door and said, over her shoulder, "Pearls before swine."

If it isn't true, it should be.

 

[D41]

Another story that sounds true, but I suspect is a myth (I haven't looked it up) is the one about a woman who's husband left her for another woman. He called her and asked her to sell his Corvette and send him the money, so she did... for $50.00. Hilarious if true.

Also, I wish it were true that Elvis was really dead. The guy's washed up.

And yet another reminder of my sordid past!!

Maybe 20 years or so ago, I went to install some carpet in one half of a garage for an affluent & insanely good-looking woman who was around 40 years-old...she asked me if I could take away a huge wine cooler (the size of a large fridge) and take it to the dump for her...I explained politely that I just don't do that sort of thing..."If you take it, you can have whats in it!!"..."What is in it??"..."My husband's wine collection....he left me a month ago for his 21 year-old secretary..."
I took it, sold the cooler to someone at my next job the very same day for $100, and (stupidly) guzzled all the wine with my mates...was pretty good though.

 

[Black Dog]

Oscar Wilde is invited to a party, but misses the part that says it is a fancy-dress do. He arrives in an immaculate, understated and stylish suit, when all the other guests are in elaborate and gaudy costumes. The door is opened by a servant, all eyes turn to the new arrival, and ... silence falls.

"Oh dear," says Oscar. "How utterly embarrassing ...


...



...



...



... for the rest of you."



As above, probably didn't happen, should've.

 

[D41]

True by all reports...

Winston Churchill III sits on his grandfather's lap as a young lad of seven:

"Grandfather, is it true that you are the greatest man that ever lived??"

"Yes....now bugger off!!"

 

[Kirkus51]

How about the New Jersey Devil?? No not the hockey team. I'd put Bigfoot in here too, but that's not urban enough for me.

 

[jonkster]

I heard one about a bloke who got pinged by one of our red-light cameras and received an infringement notice and fine in the mail. He got cheesed off with the red-light camera idea so covered his rear number plate with cardboard and tape and spent the day driving through the red at red-light cameras to show them what he thought of it.

That evening there was a knock at the door - it was a policeman. "How did you know it was me?" he asked bewilderedly. The policeman just showed him the photo - plastered across his back window was "For Sale 04123 5555"

I want that so much to be true

 

[Billbikes]

Also, I wish it were true that Elvis was really dead. The guy's washed up.

No he's working in a gas station in Montana. Fact.



Sent from my iPhone

 

[mistermellow001]

Instead of posting this in the Vaguely Amusing thread, I'll call urban myth on this. I've seen it attributed to several airlines. I don't doubt that there have been humorous comments on aircraft work orders, but my gut tells me that an aircraft mechanic would know better than to make some of these comments, but maybe I'm wrong. When I was a car mechanic, I made sport of badly written work orders, but only on the copy the customer didn't get.

 

[Noddy1]

Now you've just reminded me of something that happened to me back in the UK in the late '80s.

I was driving home at night and when I had started the car, or just a few moments afterward one of my headlight bulbs blew out. Sure enough, a PC saw me and pulled me for it half-an-hour later.
"You know why I pulled you, son??"
"Headlight?? - it just went out."
"Yep....still, the car shouldn't be on the road like that even if it did just happen....I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you a fix-it ticket."
"Really??...then what about you??"
"What d'ya mean, 'what about me??'"
"Your headlight is broken too!"
Cop looks back at his car with slowly dawning comprehension...

"In that case son, drive safe and have a good evening!"

Exactly the same happened to me a few years ago here in Northern Ontario Canada.
I pointed out broken headlight on the police cruiser to the police officer and his reply was - 'I leave it out on purpose, that way you would never think it was a police cruiser following you'