I was with you until the last point. Unfort you get what you pay for, but who knows, there might be some sales going on given the economic climate. Birthday present to myself was a Vantage Pro 2 (my excuse was that there's nothing much else to do in the winter here except watch the wind blow ever harder!). I'm going to hook it up to the Web at some point so that everyone can point and laugh at the rubbish weather we get over here! I'm sure it would do what you are asking. Think of it as a mod to your bike, a kind of imminent ride detection system...Does anyone here have one?
I have been looking for one that I can connect to my router (without having to connect it to a PC) and access it remotely. Oh, and without spending $700.