Just had to add this.....
Here are some more jokes told by a droll Scottish comedian, the late Chick Murray:
I made a stupid mistake last week. Come to think of it, did you ever hear of someone making a clever mistake?
We've got stained glass windows in our house. It's those damned pigeons.
You know what they say about stamp collecting. Philately will get you nowhere.
I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling. The rest I spend foolishly
A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on
So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."
This chap started talking to me about this and that - about which I know very little
My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.