While riding my Triumph, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"My guess is that she's still in the ditch with my bike."
A man goes into a pub, and walks up the bar - the barman says "What yer havin' mate ?" - the man, stuttering a bit, says "A bint of pitter please ..." - the barman, "What ? - the man, embarrassed, says "Sorry, I've got this speech problem - I meant a pint of bitter - sometimes the words don't come out right... " - the barman pulls the pint, and says "No need to be embarrassed, mate, in fact I've got almost the same problem ... but with me, it's the first thing I say when I get up in the morning, it always comes out wrong" - "Really ?" says the man, interested to meet someone who has a similar speech problem - "Take this morning, for example ..." the barman said, " I woke up, and the wife was downstairs getting breakfast ready - as I went downstairs, I was rehearsing in my head what I wanted to say - 'I'd like eggs and bacon please, sweetheart' - but as usual, when I spoke to the wife, it didn't come out right .... " - The man, by now intrigued, said "and what did you actually say, then ? " - the barman replied "Yer've ruined me life, yer fat bitch ........"
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