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Theory vs.Reality

A father comes home from work, and sees his son sitting at the table looking a little frustrated. He asks him what’s wrong, and his son says, “ I have to write a paper about the difference between theory and reality”.
“Ok”, says the father, “What’s the problem ?”
I do not know where to start, says the son.
The father says,
“That’s easy! Just go upstairs and ask your mom if she will sleep with the neighbor for a $1 million dollars.”
The son goes upstairs, and ask his mom the question.
His mom responds, “For a million dollars, sure!”
He goes downstairs and his father asks him, “What did she say?”
The son replies, “She said yes”.
The father then asks him to go back upstairs and ask his older sister the same question.
After he comes back downstairs, his father asks him what her answer was.
“She said yes”.
“There you go!”, said the dad.
“Huh?”, exclaimed the son
The dad began to explain...

“ In theory, we are sitting on $2 million dollars...
But, in reality, we are living with a couple of whores!”
 

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aaarrrgggggghhhhhhh (running away and hiding.......)


Russ :-D
audacity temp mail origin
[ This message was edited by: Wombat on 2007-02-02 10:16 ]
At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have dinner with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for dinner . Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
 

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When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a sledgehammer its called 'art' and 'music'. When I do it, I'm 'wasted' and have to leave B&Q.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
 

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General says to the Soldier. " I didn't see you at Camouflage Training this morning !! "
Soldier, Salutes and replies " Thank you Sir".
 

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When I was younger and after a particularly poor decision, my father asked me how I could be so stupid.

"Heredity or environment, dad. Take your pick."
 

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"Give it to me!!" she said. "I'm sooo wet! Give it to me NOW!!". But there was no way I was going to let go of that umbrella.
 

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Went to the doctors last week with a lump on my forehead. Doc takes a look and says "Man, this is incredible - you're growing another penis, and its going to be HUGE!!". "Wow!" says I... "I expect I'll see more of this one than that one down there"... "Not so" says the doc. "The bollocks will hang over your eyes".
 
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Strolled into my local pharmacy the other day...
Me: I need some deodorant.
Chemist: Certainly sir. Ball or aerosol?
Me: Its for under my armpits.
 
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I see my baby for the first time, I say to my wife "hes got my smile", she says " you might wanna turn em over first".
 

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Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..
I went downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, Happy Birthday and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone Happy Birthday.

I thought....
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way Happy Birthday '
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martini’s each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?'
She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there....
On the couch...

Naked.
 

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A man walks into the Bedroom and sees his wife packing a suite case.
He asks- What are you doing ?
She replies- Off to NYC I have read Prostitutes get $400 for what I do for you for FREE....
He replies- Hold on I am coming with You
She says - Why ?
The husband says- I am coming to see how you can live for a year on $800.00 !!
 

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I woke up in the middle of the night feeling a real tightness around my throat ,a heaviness on my chest and great difficulty breathing.I started to panic thinking I have contracted bloody Covid virus and then I remembered mentioning to my wife in the evening I put a deposit on another bike. (Apologies for my black humour)
 

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A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his pants, the bartender says "hey man did you know that you've got a steering wheel hanging on the front of your pants!" The guy says "I know, its driving me nuts".
 
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