Na, not quite a Mrs. :-P 5'10", 260, and bald with a goatee makes for one ugly, single woman. I was checking for my brother-in-law...he's got a Bonne that he's ape@#$% over (and let's be honest, so am I). He's into Triumphs, I'm into Harleys. I was trying to keep it inconspicuous in case he saw this, but at this point I guess it doesn't matter since what I'm looking for doesn't technically exist. Either way--I appreciate the help. He pokes around here, so I'm sure he's found or will find anything performance/maintenance-related.
For the record, I'm not here on a recon mission only. I'm eyeballing a Speed Triple for a second bike, but that's not doable until early next year. I figure with all the mods in the world my current bike will never do what I'd like to do in the twisties, so why beat around the bush. For a 700lb bike I can whip it through winding roads with little effort...but even pushing it to its cornering limits doesn't bring it close to the fun I'd have on the S3

I love the T-Bird Sport as well, but I'd much rather have the grunt and handling of the S3.
Thanks again, have a good one.