|
The door crashed open and in strode Oberbarnstormfuhrer Bonden von Kinck. “So!” he yelled. “I have been away just two days, two days and vot do I find?”
He was wearing his full dress moderator’s uniform, already so tight after three months that it needed letting out at all seams. It was heavily decorated with gold braid and bore epaulettes large enough to accommodate a stuffed eagle on the left one and what appeared to be a model of a motorbike on the right. A row of medals clinked ominously at his left breast – prominent among them his much prized OBN and bar. The overall effect was that of an overstuffed sofa and as such he puffed out his chest to threaten the cowering boy in the front row of the class.
“Vell – vot do I find?” he reiterated, clicking his well-polished heels so rapidly that the first four bars of “Blaze Away” could be clearly discerned. By now the entire class was hiding beneath the desks so no answer was likely. “I tell you vot I find. I find you discussing off-topic subjects and vorse still…” he paused for dramatic effect into which pregnant silence one terrified soul could be heard breaking wind. “I find you laughing and having fun! THIS IS NOT ALLOWED” he screamed amid a shower of spittle so heavy that the first two rows quickly got into their bathing costumes and the next two raised umbrellas.
“Vell, I shall lock the unlocked, snip the unsnipped and unstick the stickies. Just to show you who is the boss. And don’t ask me vy – you don't need to - I’ll tell you vy - it’s because I CAN. I tell you,” he added ominously, lowering his voice to what he imagined was a threatening tone, spoilt only by the occasional falsetto note, “You think I know f… nothing but I tell you, I know f… all. Don’t forget, I am the threadmeister”
With that he swung on his heel and marched out – his dignity somewhat compromised by the fact that someone had pinned an unused but partially inflated condom to the back of his uniform which bobbed as he marched and that in trying to get his goose step right he first entered the stationery cupboard in error before finding the right door. There was a long silence after the door once more slammed behind him broken only by someone blowing a very loud raspberry and a boy called Dragon saying in a pitiful voice “I think I’ve wet myself”..
Hey Tom – welcome back! … when are you going away again? :razz:
|
Linear Mode
