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The Dog has landed in America.

553K views 4K replies 141 participants last post by  BrewDudeBob 
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#1 ·
For those who have followed Dog's planned trip to America, here is just a couple days worth of news. If you don't care don't read this.
Okay, Dog told me what he looked like and that he would have a green T shirt with cute frogs playing on the front. Couldn't miss the bald head in the air port pick up line, pulled over, shook his hand and loaded the trunk off the dolly onto the bed of the truck (he brought a whole trailer hitch assembly from Aussy land in his baggage). Made me wonder.
As we drove toward my house I glance at the green T shirt. 1970's tie die and in America what the frogs were doing is porn not playing.

He wants to eat and asks if we can stop at Hooters right next to a huge Harley dealership. Says he wants to check out the wings and bikes. I am now starting to get a bit more worried.
We got to the bike shop and tried to buy his bike. His Aussy bank card wouldn't fit into the card reader. To big as their dollar is so much bigger than ours. But Dog did spend a couple hours with a 6' tall ex professional stunt rider who drives an old Harley. She is the clothing sales person. I think she was hitting on him but he didn't respond. So off to the bank to get money to buy the bike with. He has to set up an account at the bank. Works with a single gal from South Africa who does the account set ups. Very cute. I can't understand either of them when they talk as it isn't any English I have ever heard. But, it was very obvious she was hitting on the Dog. He seemed to miss that and I worried just a bit more.
Went with cash to get the bike this morning and the six foot Harley gal gives Dog an Art of Motorcycle coffee table book. Beautiful and it is free. Dog misses that. Then the salesman gives Dog a free expensive Triumph T shirt (no nasty frogs there). Looks longingly into Dogs eyes but again Dog missed that. I am very worried now. What is it with this guy?
I am to ride the bike back to my house as he has never ridden on the "Right" side of the road plus he wants to drive a 390 hp pick up down the freeway. The 6 foot Harley gal comes to take his picture next to the new bike and post it on their web site but Dog is in the truck with the stereo cranked, reving the engine so my picture is taken next to his bike and I will be Dog for the new bike purchase.
We get home and get on the bikes to go eat down at the ocean. Dog follows us as we ride the St with his new bike. He seems to have problems letting go of the left hand habit and accepting the "Right" Hand ways of Texas. Stepping on the brake when wanting to shift gear doesn't make the following Texans happy. Even worse is trying to stop and ending up down shifting. I now have grave doubts.
I will let you know how tomorrow goes.
 
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#5 ·
Wha? Dogtired bought a Harley? Did I read that right? I thought he was getting an old Meriden Bonnie. Hap that's nice of you to take care of a stranger in a strange land. Does he have a way with animals...and carry a Bowie knife? Kudos and good luck Dog. If you're doing the Indy 500 you may pass right through Ky. We'll be waiting.
 
#8 ·
You reckon? HAP cannot understand his language and obviously has his chic-observation-bar set too low - disaster potential. I'll come with you on your next hol Doggie if you promise to choose a destination where there are sexy girls.
 
#10 · (Edited)
Good he survived his first ride! Sounds like he is still trying to ride his old Bonnie. Jet lag will do that to ya. Had a similar problem on a '72 XLCH I had recently with right side shift(they changed them in 76). Hafta get your feet off "autopilot" and think every time about which pedal does what. Takes a little getting used to.
 
#13 ·
Good luck with dog HAP.....it will only get better....or worse:D
 
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#17 ·
Okay, the saga continues. The reason Dog had to wash his bike is two fold. One, the first 175 miles ridden was in the rain, on Texas highways. Slime, crud and snot. Second reason is that his brand new riding out fit didn't get as dirty so the two didn't match any more. Dog did learn that road strips in Texas were slippery as snot and he can never trust a Texas cage driver to see him. Except, I taught Dog to wave at all Texans at intersections. That way they will see him, think they know him and wave back. Hope is that they don't think he is some bast#rd ex brother in law and run him over.
Oh yea, he shows you a picture of his new farkels but never tells the story of how they got on the bike. The wind screen was supposed to come installed on the bike. It wasn't. Came in a big bag set on the truck seat. Opening the bag we found a bracket was missing. So, Hap's garage and machine shop cut up a perfectly good metal drawer and fabricated a bracket. We didn't paint it so that Texan bike riders would consider the bike a Rat bike and bless it. Then we tried installing the 500 lb Aussy trailer hitch. If a person lives his entire life upside down he should expect that anything he brings to the right side up part of earth will be backward. The hitch is. Plus it was missing little pieces here and there. One leg was bent the wrong direction at the end, another wasn't bent at all, the spacers were to short, bolts were missing, washers shown were not in the bag and even the Aussi written directions were not in English. The hitch was finally installed using Hap's garage and machine shop 30 year collection of bits and bobs. There are star headed bolts, hex headed bolt and handle bar spacers cut to fit. Dog is going to need a big tool pouch to fix this baby. The ball itself is of Aussi size, not yet forced upon America so it has to go and besides the nut to hold it on was a size to big for the bolt. We can't say all Aussi equipment is odd as the windscreen was made in England and it too was odd. In the end the light plug bracket will be upside down in order to make the lights work right side up here.
Now all Dog has to do is remember that the shift lever is on the left and rear brake is on the right.
With much respect to all those who gave break in advice to Dog, the little Bonnie now has a beautiful blueish, yellowish hue on the headers. Dog also told me that at 90mph the bike was only doing 5000 rpms as I insisted he didn't exceed that for the first 200 miles. I will say I am very pleased to tell you all that Dog not once tried to drive on the wrong side of the road, learned he can make a right turn on red light, must slow to 20 in a school zone and Hooters is always next to huge HD dealerships.
The lady of the house took Dog to the evil Empire to buy socks. Buck a pair, wear once and trash. American consumerism at work. He doesn't have to do laundry and some Pakistani gets a job. Win, win. Next we will work on shorts. Not sure how long Aussi folks wear the same undies and don't want to know.
Dog can talk to our one year old grandson and they seem to understand each others jokes and what each is saying and laugh about what ever stories they just told one another. All other folks need me to translate and as I have no idea what he is saying half the time I just make up what I want. Seems to work so far.
As I am not very good at telling stories, I forgot to mention Dog did get to eat fresh Gulf shrimp and flounder. But, the oysters were from La as the red tide killed Texas oysters. Damn GW. (Had to get that in).
Today we aim to finish a little job I have going replacing an electrical line into a house. Trench was dug by two renta boys and now the mud has dried and we will need the boys to smash up the dried clods and force them back into the trench. Then maybe we can ride a bit this afternoon toward the east. (in the rain)
Up dates when possible and Dog told me he is trying to come up with an excuse to call the South African gal from the bank for a date. Of course my advice was just call her and tell her you didn't have an excuse but just wanted a date. At least I don't have to worry about what excites him any more. Much more sure he is not attracted to our dogs or widgets any more and I am much relieved.
 
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#19 ·
Boldor, I am not sure yet who we are going to get to play the role of Dog. No sub titles or dubbing as we will cast only English speaking actors for the various roles. We do have to wait for the completion of the journey as many other TRAT folks will get to add their script re-writes as Dog ventures around America.
 
#25 ·
Boldor, I am not sure yet who we are going to get to play the role of Dog. No sub titles or dubbing as we will cast only English speaking actors for the various roles.
The Swedes managed it without English. Besides, I'm sure The Doggie speaks English, it's you Americans who struggle with the language.

 
#20 ·
Hap, you are good at this. Can't wait for the next episode of "How the Dog Turns". :)

PS: Dog posted these bike 'mods' on the "what did you do to you twin today" thread over on the Twins forum---he made it sound so easy. But we all know everything is bigger in Texas though, so y'all ruminate on that a bit. :)
 
#21 ·
HAP -

Are you taking Dog out for some genuine Texas Bar-B-Que, or a huge, mega "Texas Style" Steak?

Check the supply of Lipitor, etc. and schedule an ECG as required...

Finish it off with some wholesome American PIE, and then take dog to the mall for some elastic waisted riding jeans!:eek:

Dog, you may want to weigh in now, and then we'll recheck your weight for progress when you depart.

Have fun guys,

Bob
 
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#27 ·
Well, not much new since we last touched base. Rain has postponed riding and finishing our service job but didn't stop Dog from surfing the net for a trailer. We finally found a guy with used ones up in Dallas and what a nice selection he has and even Dog can afford one. We will drive the truck up on Thursday to get one. $2500-$5500 for new when you can buy a car for that amount is silly Used is as low as 1/4 for same trailer. Biggest hurdle is load weight the puny little Bonnie engine can pull. We finally figured that if fat, 350lb guys can ride around on Bonnies then Dog can pull a fully loaded trailer with one. Kinda like going to get a puppy for Dog. He gets all giddy.
Did find an interesting thing happening last night at dinner though. I can translate for Dog with the Japanese owners/cooks. They found it cool that Dog opened every spice jar to sniff. Dogs.
We also went to Best Buy to get power cord converters for his lap top. Up side down computers don't like American electricity and need a translator of their own. Seems his own charging unit has enough brains to convert the American juice to Aussi juice if we just got an international plug. Then we went for the GPS. I am not a gadget guy so was quit impressed about Dog's knowledge. He and the salesman were in deep, tech talk and I was amazed the guy could talk with Dog. Seems tech talk is universal.
Then the camera selections. We are both impressed with other Rat members vids so that is the cute, tiny Camera Dog now has. lanyards will help secure same to the bike.
today we must finish the service job so the folks can move back in and Dog will continue to read instructions for every gadget he has collected so far. I quit reading after the headlines. An aside that is funny. I told my grandson, the wizard of fixing my phone, computer ect. that Dog had replaced him. Seems I have not been at a disadvantage all this time with cheap computer, I just was inept and couldn't fathom how it works. Still am but now Dog has set up some new folders. He has tried teaching me how to post, steal wayward wifi and keep more than one tab open at a time. To confusing right now.
LXMARY. I am trying to get Dog to ask the South African gal out and if she accepts I will teach her how to give Dog the big sloppy kiss from you. God what a man has to do for friends. Of course the lady of the house will never know about those lessons.
 
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