Triumphrat

Thruxton

A collection of Prince of Darkness jokes.
(courtesy of Paul Mossberg, New Jersey Replicar Club, February 2001)




The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

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Loud pipes are rude and inconsiderate.

quagmire

Now that's funny :-D

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Hey, What's this oil on the floor?

jimballard

Joseph Lucas quotes: "A gentleman does not motor about after dark'; "Don't ride in the rain" Actually, the Lucas stuff wasn't all that bad, considering that everything else being used in the old days wasn't exactly what you'd call spectacular. Now, I'm talking the 50's, 60's and 70's....I'm a crazy old bastard too, you see....

Growing old is strictly for the young..so stay young: Jim

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Jim Ballard

The older I get, the faster I was....until lately!! (Speed IS the fountain of youth)!

Bonnevillian

The only thing I ever had go out was a Zener Diode. 'Spensive little buggers! :evil:

okiecityflash

In 27 years and 10000 miles, lets see ,how many roman left foot steps would that be? Anyway, I only had the ignition switch go bonkers, so I replaced it with a Lucas considering I felt I got my money's worth out of it. My handle bar switches don't work but they got a little sticky and when I took them a part to put a little Sta- lube on them , all the little balls and springs fell out, so I take the rap for that. Outside of light bulbs I guess thats it. Considering the vibration a parallel twin puts out, I think its more vibration than Lucas. Don't beat me down now, just an opinion. :wink: Enjoyed the humor, need a little in this life.

TRI-AL

As has been alluded to by Ballard & Okie, I think the source of the electrical problems was more the vibration of the beasts than the design. I've had 2 Meridan Triumphs in my life and no serious problems with either's electrics. Oh sure, a wire breaks off from it's solder joint from time to time, but isn't that to be expected considering the era and nature of the beasts? Smoother operating bikes is where the Japanese had an advantage. 'Still fun "picking on" Lucas. (Just my 2 cents) :razz:

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...and the Rocket's red glare


The jig is up.
The news is out.
They finally found me!
Styx... (Renegade)

Ride each ride like it may be your Last!

Slinky

Most problems with Lucas electrics stem from the fact that most people simply do not understand how the system works.

THis should be required reading for all new owners of olde British vehicles..

Lucas theory

This site also has some valuable information.

Lucas repairs.

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98 Thunderbird, 03 Speed Master

daveforty

Lots of years ago I went to the Farnborough (trade) air show and saw a 'Lucas Aerospace' stand.

pendraig

I've been told by a US Marine who has worked on our (American) Harriers that they have many Lucas Aerospace components.
It's funny that, although I've had my share of problems with my bikes' electrics, most of the time that I've traced a "Lucas" problem to its source, the source says "WIPAC" on it.

okiecityflash

I'm new to triumphs as far as history goes. Whats WIPAC? I know I've seen it on this web, but forgot. :???: