Triumphrat

HiDesert

Well, tomorrow night, my older daughter goes to her first dance. Since the Machiavellian machinations of (near) middle-school mentality have produced a companion for her for the event, one doesn't have to stretch the definition too far to conclude that she is about to embark on her first date. Imagine, if you can, the trepidation with which I type that word. My hands are trembling hard enough that I'm surprised I didn't type 'dq63' instead.

Granted, the little mongrel will probably be unable to muster the courage to successfully complete a single coherent sentence addressed to her all evening, but that's beside the point. I was hoping for a couple more years before this sort of thing gets inflicted on us. No, scratch that. Mrs. hidesert seems to be dealing with this with a deeply disturbing sense of detached amusement, so I feel no guilt about saying 'inflicted on me.'

The real pi$$er is that we're picking him up and taking them there and back. It has it's advantages, of course (can you say supplementary seat belts? I spell it 'motorcycle tie-downs'), but the principle and overriding disadvantage is that I can't make the little barbarian come pick her up and call him inside to meet me while cleaning my .45. Guess I'll have to wait a few years for the little monsters to get drivers' licenses to enact that particular tableau.


On to other matters. When is that ^%$^%*#$%^@# bottle of Glenmorangie getting here!!??

__________________
We are young, wandering the face of the earth
Wondering what our dreams might be worth
Learning that we're only immortal for a limited time.

Tbirdnz

Just pick him up on your bike hidesert in your biker gear, make sure he sees the size of your boots.

......anyhow kids these days don't have to coherently string a sentence together, as long as he can txt !


----------------
Ride on !

Catenaccio

Aint fatherhood grand? You are no doubt reliving some of your own pubescent paranoias and projecting them on to your daughter. My question is...didn't you raise her to be independent and take risks? You've set the example and been the protective parent. Now let her make choices and live life taking the road as it comes at her. Trust both your daughter and your wife's instincts.Your wife is right to be amusedly detached, she's lived with you all these years.

Besides, dumdums for the .45 aren't all that hard to make.

sweatmachine

My first real date in high school was kinda like that. Big dude (dad). Hunting trophies everywhere. He wasn't cleaning a gun at the time, but might as well have been. I still remember the Busch tall boy in his giant left hand as I shook his giant right hand. I dated the girl from Junior year through my first year of college. She was a year/grade behind me. He invited me to go hunting several times, but I always had an excuse not to go!

I don't have any children, but I hope that when I do (if it's a girl) I can strike similar fear in the little bastard's head.

Of course, if my child is a boy, I'll be slapping high-fives and planting perverted ideas in his head!

__________________
alright alright alright

Bonnie cafefighter!

Medic09

You have me deepest, heartfelt sympathies. Not that it will help any. The Glenmorangie is a better remedy.

My youngest is 21, out roaming the countryside with her dog and who-knows-who-else.

See what there is to look forward to?

__________________
Mordechai Y. Scher
Santa Fe, NM
'76 Trident T160 (rebuilding)
'01 Sprint ST
'78 Honda CB750K

DaveB

There have been many movies where the father, in your position, has made diabolical threats to the young cretin & I'm sure you can find inspiration there. The cleaning of the 45 sounds good, but if you can't arrange to do that in front of him maybe lots of remarks about pistols, tough biker gang rituals etc. may have the desired effect.

I'm sure there's a joke in here somewhere about ATGATT for your daughter but I didn't want to offend your sensibilities .

Have faith, I'm not sure in what, but have faith!

DaveB.

__________________
My albums:
http://www.triumphrat.net/memberalbu...ser/15053/sl/d

cafecruzin

give the smelly young buck this to read
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

__________________
ROD
Illegitimis nil carborundum
Quot culi, tot sententiae

denman13

cafecruzin instead of leaving the poor lad scared straight, you may have just scared the poor little bugger gay.

P.s. No it doesn't actually work that way. I know. It's a joke.

PC police need not attend.

__________________
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut up. - Will Rogers

steventhechef

You should be glad that she isn't going out with my boys

__________________
steventhechef

Eggs & Bacon. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Tbirdnz

Nice one Cafe'


After reading that You should be glad she isn't going out with your boys Steven !


-----------------

Ride on !