Triumphrat

cardboardkiller · 02-27-2008, 12:23 AM

I rode to Daytona today, about 2 hours, since I won't be able to go when the madness starts and had a chance to take stock of my life in Florida over the last 3 years.

I can ride a solid 10 months out of the year once you factor in rain, semi-cold weather (I've seen it in the 30's at my house) and the heat.

I have at least a 60 minute ride before I see the first decent curve.

I feel safer riding at night down here in God's waiting room because the blue hairs are all indoors by the time the street lamps come on.

I see almost as many Canadian, New York, Michigan and Connecticut license plates down here as I do Florida tags.

Those cursed by northern birth lose their minds and driving ability when they experience 85 degree weather any time after November and before June.

People don't think you're serious unless you honk and give them the finger.

Our high today was 87 in my town and I don't mind one bit.

The illegal fruit trade must pay well in Canada. I see a lot of Canadians smuggling grapes at the beach.

Everyone down here locks up when they see flashing lights on a vehicle of any sort while driving.

Everyone down here locks up when the first drop of rain hits their windshield.

No one in an exotic sports car wants to pick a fight. I always draw the attention of diesel pickups, BMW's, Mustangs, Corvettes and the occasional Honda S2000 at stoplights late at night. I'm not afraid to lose, I just like to hear Ferarris, Lamboghinis and Porsches wail.

Squids can't figure out what torque is or how that black naked bike that's missing one cylinder walks them in a roll on with it's front tire barely tapping the pavement.

The camel toe is in fashion in Miami.

Having luggage on your bike or not having a fairing alleviates any concern the police might have with you in south Florida. Maybe a naked bike with luggage gets you a rebate check from the cops.

You'll get scolded for telling a friend's wife, "I ain't eating that **** green 'nanner. You can call it whatever you want."

If a Cuban calls you "fat" they like you.

Florida is the "Gunshine State" but there's no place to shoot.

Living 10 minutes from two PGA tour stops doesn't make you a golfer, no matter how hard you try to explain it to people.

Fire ants don't like it when you pour a gallon of gas/diesel mix in their mound and light it on fire.

A gas/diesel mix will explode underground in a fire ant mound.

Your neighbors probably won't like you pouring a gas/diesel mix in a fire ant mound, lighting it on fire and laughing hysterically at the ensuing underground explosion.

Violent felons need to go pull seaweed during our shark migration.

Alligators will crawl under your truck while you have your back turned looking for them in their usual spot.

If you're going to catch a baby alligator, make sure that the baby's momma ain't around.

River otters can take out the grill and radiator of an F150. You'll be ok as long as you have enough beer and a sober friend with a tow truck to call.

A wild hog can run faster than a dog and a human. However, a wild hog is not faster than a speeding bullet.

miker · 02-27-2008, 01:05 AM

Nice thoughts cardboard, I have another that kept on recurring to me last year when I was in Orlando for a weeks work.....flat, hot and fun at the theme parks!

"I think there's a lot of shysters in Florida..."
(quote from Slapshot......Dickie Dunn (M. Emmet Walsh) to Reg Dunlop (Paul Newman)

Mick,

MVP44 · 02-27-2008, 09:29 AM

Good way to start the day - Many good thoughts there Cardboard

Catenaccio · 02-27-2008, 04:13 PM

Was in Orlando just a month ago. The list explains much. No doubt "special instructions" exist for ever locale. Be fun to compare place to place and list to list.

HiVel · 02-28-2008, 01:39 AM

I lived in Florida (south Ga.? -Jax) for 13 years and was never so happy to leave a place in my life. now I live where I can ride on curvy mountain roads and we have 4 mild seasons (except summer which is HOT), love Alabama. Motorcycle heaven. I did attend the Daytona Races for many years until it turned into a Harley festival. They manage to kill about 22 riders a year there in 2 weeks as the morons ride w/o helmets and are usually stoked up on some chemical or another -they can have it. No fun for me anymore. Times change.
There were some great times and some great friends but I am happy after many years here. Go where you like it- life is short. Enjoy it.

koifarm · 02-28-2008, 03:24 PM

Fire ants don't like it when you pour a gallon of gas/diesel mix in their mound and light it on fire.

A gas/diesel mix will explode underground in a fire ant mound.

For God's sake do not pour gasoline on a fire ant nest.
It goes immediately into the aquifer and pollutes any wells within 1,000 yards.
If you must destroy fire ants (and no one here in florida likes the pesky little critters) Use a product called Amdro, you can find it everywhere.
There is a danger that birds or other critters may eat it thinking it is food, but all you need do is put the amdro around the outside of the mound, then cover it with a large tupperware. In a day or so, the mound will be full of dead ants. The worker ants carry the particles down into the mound and everyone there, including the queen, will eat it.
There will always be a few ants that will establish a nearby colony (ie-small mound) and you have to keep after these little colonies the same way. If you are persistent, you can rid your yard of ants in about two months
Please don't pollute!
Thanks
Bill

gonzo'st100 · 02-28-2008, 05:38 PM

I have lived in Central FL for over 33-long years...I can only describe it as " a very boring place to live".
Yes, the weather can be nice sometimes, like it is today, (high 60's, low
70's), but those days are few and far in between. Then the 9-10 months of summer arrive, (as early as February). It is at least 100 degrees with about 98%+ humidity. Leaving an air conditioned area is like walking into a hot oven. Hot, muggy and miserable. Riding a motorcycle during that time, is like walking into a sauna with clothes.
In addition, roads are straight, there are no mountains or even hills, (other than ant hills), people drive like crap, they run red lights, don't care about motorcycles, have road rage.
None of the people that I know, or at least most living here for 5-years or longer, ever go near a theme park. We leave that misery to the tourists.
I will be getting way out of here as soon as my wife retires...to either north GA or NC mountains.

cardboardkiller · 02-28-2008, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by koifarm

Fire ants don't like it when you pour a gallon of gas/diesel mix in their mound and light it on fire.

A gas/diesel mix will explode underground in a fire ant mound.

For God's sake do not pour gasoline on a fire ant nest.
It goes immediately into the aquifer and pollutes any wells within 1,000 yards.
If you must destroy fire ants (and no one here in florida likes the pesky little critters) Use a product called Amdro, you can find it everywhere.
There is a danger that birds or other critters may eat it thinking it is food, but all you need do is put the amdro around the outside of the mound, then cover it with a large tupperware. In a day or so, the mound will be full of dead ants. The worker ants carry the particles down into the mound and everyone there, including the queen, will eat it.
There will always be a few ants that will establish a nearby colony (ie-small mound) and you have to keep after these little colonies the same way. If you are persistent, you can rid your yard of ants in about two months
Please don't pollute!
Thanks
Bill

You really wouldn't like the weed killer that I bring in from back home and use then.

I also eat meat, hunt, my underwear is made of cotton and my shoes are made of leather.

geolpilot · 02-28-2008, 11:03 PM

I'm relieved to hear that you don't eat cotton and have underwear made of meat.

cardboardkiller · 02-28-2008, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geolpilot

I'm relieved to hear that you don't eat cotton and have underwear made of meat.