Triumphrat

Whisperinsmith · 10-31-2007

I was just reading the thread about Ewan and Charlie and their latest adventure Long Way Down. For those that don't know the story, google "Long Way Down" to get up to speed. This is their second adventure.

Well, seems Ewan's wife came along for a portion of this ride even though she'd never ridden a bike before. Hearing her thoughts about her husband going on the first adventure without her and the children, I can only think there were some "interesting" discussions at home before this second adventure took place. As Chrisn here suggests, poor Charlie thought he'd be going on a second adventure with his buddie and could fart and show his butt to his hearts content. I'll bet this changed the dynamics of it all.

To my point. At this stage of my life, am I ready for a relationship? I'd love a ridding buddy. I love to have a dinner companion now and then. And... (hey, I'm a guy!) But am I ready to once again go through the challenges of compromises? (I always seem to be on the losing end of them.)

I've suggested to someone that when Mother Nature takes over and a relationship comes along that is right, the thought of compromises isn't even an issue. She is in command. So I might not even have a choice if I meet "that" person.

But I have to ask myself, am I willing to do what Ewan did? I did it for my entire marriage, which was longer than many here have been alive by the way. I think that is a huge part of my reluctance to enter into a serious relationship. Compromise.

It's such a heavy decision this late in life. One learns to be so selfish living alone. When I hear my brother say he can't come for a ride with me because he promised his wife he'd rake the leaves, well - I know I'd have a tough time with that again. So I guess I'm doomed to live without that riding buddy and dinner companion because that type of relationship soon disappears and "compromise" rears its head.

Just thoughts.

LoVel · 10-31-2007

You know how it works Mr. Smith. When and if the right person comes along it hits you in the head like a 2x4 and there is no way to protect yourself from it because you never know where it is going to come from. You could be absent mindedly flirting with a member of the opposite sex on the ratnet one day and the next day you can't get them off your mind. Then if you find out they have been thinking about you also, bam, thats all she wrote.

HiDesert · 10-31-2007

But if she expect all the compromising duty to fall on one party, she's not the one. Until you are sure you won't let that happen, you aren't the one either. You have to develop certain qualities in yourself before marriage can work.

... rereading your post, I may have misinterpreted the "she" you were referring to as being in command. If it's mother nature, I have to disagree with that too. One of the capabilities that makes us human is the capability to overcome instinct. Saying mother nature is in command is the same as the old 'devil made me do it'; a cop out.

Please realize this is just recreational nitpicking. I can't help it!

LoVel · 10-31-2007

hidesert is correct and as he said if she isn't right you will know it and will not go there.

bonniegirl · 10-31-2007

i'm with hidesert on this one mr. smith...
mother nature may present you with the situation, but the management of such is your own choice.

Whisperinsmith · 10-31-2007

hidesert,
As always, provocative replies. The statement of "having to develop certain properties in oneself before a marriage can work" is thought provoking. I think a lot of marriages would be delayed by a long shot if each were to reflect on whether they have "developed those certain properties" to warrant marriage. And I'd love to hear your take on what constitutes a "working" marriage. If compromise isn't in the equation, I'll strongly disagree with you.

LoVel, I couldn't agree more.

I just panned down and saw bonniegirl's reply. So I have two I disagree with. Sorry, but I'm sticking to my statement not to mess with Mother Nature. And I suspect hidesert knows of studies that have been done that indicate instinctive motives are so strong as to overshadow many "rational" thoughts. We could get into the B.F.Skinner debate here, but that's for another post.

But back to my post. LoVel, here's my dilemma. Knowing I could get hit over the head again and not stand a chance and also knowing that I'm reluctant to compromise at this late stage of life, I shy away from relationships. And hearing that bit about Ewan's wife going on the run with them, just solidifies my thought. Don't misunderstand, partnership in a marriage is beautiful and necessary. But so is individual space. Compromise. Tougher as you get older.

PS Oh, and one more thought. If you think compromise is equal in relationships, think again. I was told by a wise old Lithuanian lady, that marriage is like the coming together of two stones. They rub each other until they fit in a grove. Takes a long, long time. But I suspect it's rare to find two stones exactly the same. One wears down more than the other and in a lot of long term marriages there is resentment unless tons of talking has taken place during the "rubbing". Just my take on it.

PPS Sorry for this. I've been in funk for awhile.

LoVel · 10-31-2007

I think too many women these days want total control of their man and every move he makes which just leads to divorce. I personally will try my ****dest never to marry another person that thinks I can't be out of her sight. Saying that I would also be willing to give her, her space when necessary.

If they aren't willing to meet you half way don't do it.

fivehundo · 10-31-2007

...and my girlfriend wonders why I'm not all enthusiastic about marriage.

bonniegirl · 10-31-2007

until recently i've said that i'm not marriage material. i'm slowly,possibly, changing my mind, but will not EVER go into it blindly again...

fivehundo · 10-31-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by bonniegirl

until recently i've said that i'm not marriage material. i'm slowly,possibly, changing my mind, but will not EVER go into it blindly again...

I dunno, I guess maybe because I came from a pair of divorced parents I've never really had a positive example of marriage. Not to mention that in the last 3-5 years, all of my friends who got married or were planning on it, have either called it off or got divorced....

Except for one of my friends, but he's only been married a year or so...