Triumphrat

doodledog · 06-04-2007

Silly but actually true in every respect:

To: Rt Hon David Milliband MP Secretary of State, DEFRA

Dear Secretary of State
My friend, who is in farming at the moment, received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I now want to join the "not rearing pigs" business.
In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agriculture Policy. I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?
As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this? My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any. If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. Then I can afford to buy an aeroplane.
Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I didn't rear?
I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the Government information on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields?
In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course vote for you at the next general election
Yours faithfully,

Tbirdnz · 06-04-2007

This is a quote from Reuters

'Australia, New Zealand Gain from Farm Reform

Vast, dry Australia and compact, lush New Zealand may be worlds apart in terms of landscape, but they share a recipe for farming success - they have both abandoned subsidies.

A dispute over support for farmers will be at the heart of world trade talks in Hong Kong starting December 13 (06) with many countries blaming an impasse in efforts to agree a global trade deal on a rift over European Union farm subsidies.
Australia and New Zealand scrapped farm supports 20 years ago to become two of the least protected - and most successful - farming countries in the world.'

Not entirely true, it's true that the farmers do not get any subsidies here but like Australia not all farmers are making money. Only dairy farmers are 'creaming' it in at the moment due to a worldwide shortage of milk. Beef and sheep farmers are obtaining poor returns. This is put down to the low U.S. dollar in which the 'schedules' are based.

However no-one not even the farmers want to see a return to farming subsidies and are against subsidies in their competitive world markets. For this, Europe and the US are the main subsidy providers to their farmers and yet are the so-called main proponents of free trade.

Getting money for not doing anything here is called the dole.

--------------------
Ride on !

steventhechef · 06-04-2007

Quote:

On 2007-06-04 17:16, Tbirdnz wrote:
Getting money for not doing anything here is called the dole.

Pigs !! I knew it. Maybe I could dress the cows up with drum skins and bacon rind and pass them off as pigs. That would save me the grief from my boys for selling the cattle and having to rename them all!!

They might be a bit noisy at night though..

Apparently I am too asset rich to even be considered for the dole anyway.

Not that I could subdivide my property because of the govt. rules but they deem it as a saleable asset anyway.

I wouldn't like it anyway TBH.

Thanks for the thought doodle

[ This message was edited by: steventhechef on 2007-06-04 19:08 ]