Triumphrat

2bugeyez · 07-09-2008

A 65 year old man went to the social security office to register for his benefits. When he got to the window he realized he had no ID to prove his age. "No problem," said the clerk, "unbutton your shirt." The man unbuttoned his shirt revealing his silver chest hair. "That's good enough for me," said the clerk. "Your checks will
begin in the next few weeks.
The man got home and told his wife what happened. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too."

ag2300 · 07-11-2008

A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis,

something she seemed to love to do.

Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'

hans · 07-22-2008

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Kmart with her

two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the

entrance. The door greeter says, 'Good morning and welcome to Kmart,

nice children you've got there. Are they twins?' The fat ugly woman

stops screaming long enough to snarl: 'Of course they bloody aren't!

The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you

think they're twins?.... Do you really think they look alike, you

d*ckhead?'

'Absolutely not,' replies the greeter, 'I just can't believe

anyone would shag you twice!

Sticks · 07-24-2008

A Triumph rider is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Triumph, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter, addressing the biker, says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.'

The biker replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really; the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?''

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

reno_nv · 07-29-2008

Did you here what happen when the Pope went to Mt. Olive?

Popeye bet the sh** out of him.

reno_nv · 07-29-2008

Jose’ and Carlos are panhandlers......
They panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose’ but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose’ brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose’..... “I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?” Jose’ says, .... “Look at your sign, Carlos - what does it say”? - ‘I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support’.” No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars” Carlos says... "So what does your sign say"? Jose' shows Carlos his sign...It reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico."

drharveys · 08-05-2008

Dang -- I heard the same joke, only it was Fox News, and a Democrat college professor!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sticks

A Triumph rider is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Triumph, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter, addressing the biker, says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.'

The biker replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really; the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?''

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

trypcil · 08-05-2008

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20
years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your
Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but
notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double
Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a
sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I
had to smile! Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain
myself. But Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a
sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I
just lost it.'

Case dismissed!

davids · 08-08-2008

There were two sausages on a barbie being cooked over hot coals - one sausage says to the other

"Damn - it's hot here"

the second sausage says ....

" My God - A talking sausage!"

Be patient they may get better!

road_dog · 08-11-2008