Triumphrat

hans

IF YOU WERE AROUND IN 1919 (just before prohibition started) AND CAME UPON THE FOLLOWING POSTER...



I MEAN, seriously, WOULD YOU QUIT DRINKING???

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NO-ONE IS COMPLETELY WORTHLESS
THEY CAN ALWAYS SERVE AS A BAD EXAMPLE

vado vestri own via

StreetT675

lmao One look at that lot and a man would need a drink.. now where did I put those dam beer goggles.

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David.

Jodel

LONDON LAWYER V GLASGOW COP

A London lawyer fails to stop at a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any dumb Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, ' Licence and registration, please.'
London Lawyer says, 'What for?'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'
London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please.'
London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

Glasgow cop says, 'The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law. Licence and registration, please!'
London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Sounds fair. Get oot your vehicle, sir.'
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says, 'Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon'

Cdoo68

Nagging wife

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While
they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband,
"You can have her shipped home for $5,000.00, or you can bury her here,
in the Holy Land, for $150.00."

The man thought about it and told him he would just as soon have her
shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000.00 to ship your wife
home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and only cost you
$150.00?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three
days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

BigStripey

Every Man's Dream..........

A daughter on the cover of vogue...........

A son on the cover of a sports magazine.........

A mistress on the cover of playboy..........

And lastly.........

A wife on the cover of Missing Persons Monthly !

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Big Stripey

I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw

hans

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts "this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!", and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava.

The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts. "Did anybody else here see my face?"


The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.

"Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun around.

There is silence for a few seconds before an elderly male voice is heard from a distant corner.

"I think my missus caught a glimpse....

__________________
NO-ONE IS COMPLETELY WORTHLESS
THEY CAN ALWAYS SERVE AS A BAD EXAMPLE

vado vestri own via

doctordee

There was once a virgin farmboy.

One day, a farmer had told his virgin son that the time had come for him to "become a man". The father suggested that since they were poor and cash was not easy to come by at their farm that he should instead take one of their ducks and use it for payment at the town's brothel.

The son doubted it would work but was willing to take a chance. The next morning, bright and early, he set out with the duck on a leash for the long walk to town.

When he came to the brothel, the madam took a look at the boy and asked him his business.

"My father has told me that it's time for me to 'become a man' and he said that while I don't have any money to pay you with, that perhaps, you'd be willing to take this... uh... duck."

The madame who saw that the boy was truly a virgin as well as a good looking young man thought, "What the hell?" However, not to let him think he can take advantage of her good graces in the future she asked, "Is it a good duck? Can he do anything special?"

Before the boy could say, "no", the duck leaped up on the table and started to do a little dance and quacked in time with his feet. The madame thought at this point she might have gotten the better end of the deal. So she took the duck and told the boy to go upstairs where one of her younger and prettier girls would take care of him.

After an hour of making love to the young girl, the madam realized that this young man was some kind of prodigy with the energy of 10 farmboys. So, she went upstairs and said to the the farmboy (no longer a virgin), "Hey, you must be pretty good for a newbie. I'll tell you what, if you make it with me, I'll give you back your duck."

The boy being no fool and still loving his first experience with the young girl figured he might be able to use his talented duck in the future and agreed to make love to the madame. So after another hour, this time with the madame, the boy finished up and left the brothel exhausted.

He put the leash on the duck and started his long walk back to the farm. On his way back to the farm a drunk driver swerved too close to the boy and clipped the duck. As a result, the duck's legs were completely broken. The driver felt horribly guilty about this and offered the boy fifty dollars in restitution for the duck plus he said he'd drive him back to the farm.

The boy took the money and the ride and arrived back at the farm.

Upon arriving his father met him at the door eager to hear how his day went.

The boy said, "Well, I got a f#$%k for a duck, a duck for a f#$%k, and fifty bucks for a f#$%ked up duck."

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Power is interactional: To understand it we must comprehend the behaviour of the powerless as well as the powerful.

doctordee

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? "

The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!"

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."

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Power is interactional: To understand it we must comprehend the behaviour of the powerless as well as the powerful.

Nodster

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the Patients were shouting, '48....48....48.'


The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.....


Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!


Then they all started shouting '49....49....49'...

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...trying to keep 2 strokes racing at 'Oirish' Road Racing!

triumphrat

Why do blondes have bruises around thier belly buttons?

Because blonde guys are dumb too!