Triumphrat

walt · 02-04-2007

Quote:

Did you hear about the constipated Mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

Welshrob, we must have a generation gap here. I thought he worked it out with a slide rule. :-D :-D :-D

Wombat · 02-05-2007

I think Rob heard that joke before sliderules were invented.

kit: :nana:

welshrob · 02-05-2007

what`s a sliderule?

bung1 · 02-05-2007

Gay guy goes to join the army, sergeant says you cant join we dont accept homosexuals, the gay is very persistant, the sgt. asks him,"could you kill a man?"........... after a moments thought the gay replies "eventually". :-D

welshrob · 02-05-2007

Fart Joke.

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

Fart Joke 2.

:-D :-D :-D

A Ballerina goes to the Doctor,

"Doc I am having terrible trouble with the most awful wind, every time I pirouette I fart" she cries.

"Hmmm," says the Doctor, "I'd like to see that if possible"

The ballerina get up, pirouettes and Phrrrt... Farts loudly.

"Thats amazing, do it again,"

Again the pirouette is accompanied by a loud fart

"Hmmm," says the Doctor "I think I know what we need to do," he bends down and picks up a long pole with a curious barbed hook on the end.

The ballerina starts back in alarm, "What the heck? are you going to do with that?" she asks,

"Opening the window, it stinks in here for Gods sake!"

[ This message was edited by: welshrob on 2007-02-05 06:40 ]

bung1 · 02-07-2007

Did you here about the Irishman who was teaching his dog to pee in the gutter ?................................................. ....

He fell off the roof and killed himself.

Bundyon_Jen · 02-07-2007

An Octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play any musical instrument you like".

An Englishman gives him a guitar, which it plays better than Jimi Hendrix.

An Irishman gives him a piano, which it plays better than Elton John.

A Scotsman throws it a set of bagpipes.

The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes without a sound from the bagpipes and Scotsman asks, "what's wrong, can ye no play it"?

The octopus says, "Play It? I'm gonna f*** her brains out once I get her pyjamas off"
:-D :-D

Whisperinsmith · 02-07-2007

road_dog! LOL!!!

blkhrt81 · 02-07-2007

A guy walks into a pub one night and sees a very attractive young woman down at the end of the bar with several empty glasses in front of her, "hmm, he thinks" and strolls down there just as she takes a slug out of a fresh glass. " Hi." he says. the lady puts down her glass, looks him up and down, and says " Look buddy, lets just cut the bull***** here, I screw anybody, old, young, fat, skinny, don't matter, I'll screm'em anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, on the ground, in the hall, all the same. I'll screw them quick and I'll screw them slow, clean, dirty all the same to me. So, whadda ya say?"
" Really?" he says " I'm a lawyer too, what firm are you with?"

doodledog · 02-07-2007

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the
activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she
needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the
right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the
family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed
her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said,
"Hi,Grandma,you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the
grandson.

"They won't let me fart."

[ This message was edited by: Wombat on 2007-02-07 13:59 ]