Main Motorcycle: '04 Thunderbird Sport
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Ex-pat Aussie in Honolulu, Hawaii
Other Motorcycle: I wish!
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We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall ...
but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
So I took her to McDonalds.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then
harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua ?"
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the
"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."
"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
"Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently
massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD
Can't remember where I read this, it was with countries not corporations (but very similar). And there's one more they had:
[insert name of country/people to make fun of]
You have two cows.
The one of the left is looking particularly fetching today...
A union shop foreman walks into a bar next door to the factory after work and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama’s victory, when he sees a guy sitting alone, wearing a Romney for President button, with two beers in front of him. He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican. The bar is filled with factory workers, so he shouts over to the bartender so loud that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican."
After the drinks have all been served, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union official.
The union captain once again loudly orders drinks for everyone, except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"
The union thug, louder than ever, once again orders drinks for everyone, except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.
The union guy asks the bartender, "What the hell is going on with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar, but him, and all the silly idiot does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?"
"Nope," replies the bartender, "he owns the bar."
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