Triumphrat

DaveM · 06-26-2007

A witness was pulled up by the police after a minor traffic infringement.

"OK...What's your name and where do you work", said the young constable, "we may need to get in touch with you".

"I'm John Shagbrake and I'm a supervisor at the local Spotlight Store", said the bloke.

"OK...on your way", said the young police officer.

A few days later the police officer needed to obtain further information, so he phoned the local Spotlight Store and spoke to the receptionist.

"Do you have a Shagbrake there?".

"Christ" she said, "we don't even have a lunch break anymore, since John Howard brought in his new Work Choices legislation".

DaveM :-D

DaveM · 06-26-2007

An Oirish Story
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....

"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

"Incredible"he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here."

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10
pound note appears.

"This is amazing!"exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?"

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!"shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another
and another and another, etc.....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. Just out of interest,
how moch was in dare den?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says "£1,990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit,'' says the Irishman

(Wait for it...........scroll down.)

I knew I wasn't feeling two grand.."
:-D

DaveM

welshrob · 07-02-2007

Two Aussies, Bruce and Mick set out to walk from Sydney to Perth (no mean feat, a couple of thousand miles) they steer clear of the beaten track and follow arroyos and railway lines etc. After a couple of weeks, they really start to get on each others ****, so Bruce says to Mick, "Blue, let`s split up for a while." They are camped on the edge of lake Eyre, so they decide to split up and hike around each side of the lake. Two days later they catch up on the far side of the lake and Bruce says "Hi Mick, how was your walk?" Mick replies "Bonzer Mate! I saw all sorts of new parrots and wildlife, the platypus were playing on the banks of the lake, it was real peaceful. How was your walk, mate?"
Bruce replies, "Gee whiz, mate, it was great! I decided to follow the railway line and after a couple of hours I came across a beautiful woman tied to the railway tracks, she was stark naked! I couldn`t believe my luck. Obviously something dastardly was afoot so I untied her and took her off into the bushes and spent all afternoon making love to her. Man we did EVERYTHING!
Mick is absolutley amazed and says "Everything? Wow, did she give you a bl*wjob?"

"No," says Bruce, "I couldn`t find her head."

:-D :-D :-D

[ This message was edited by: welshrob on 2007-07-02 19:10 ]

Archimedes · 07-05-2007

Special. Colorado.

Police have arrested three suspected Islamic terrorists trying to drive into the world famous Hoover Dam. They believe this may be the start of Ram-A-Dam.

:-D :-D

Tbirdnz · 07-05-2007

Quick wit is sometimes the best humour, this was reported in the NZ Herald:

Auctioneer James Hogan had just announced the next lot at a Webb's jewellery sale this week when an enormous thunderclap directly overhead rocked the Newmarket gallery. When Hogan asked "Do I take that as an opening bid?" a voice called out from the back of the room: "Better let him have it."

keef · 07-20-2007

A guy woke up after a heavy night out with the lads and noticed a terrible smell in the house.
He turned to his wife and asked, "What is that disgusting smell?"
She replied, "When you came home last night you told me to cook your sock!"

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Double Entendre...

...so he gives her one.

dfbike · 07-26-2007

Wife comes home one day with crotchless knickers, and puts her leg up on the couch and says "Want some of this". Husband takes one look and says "Feck off, look what its done to your undies"

Ricochet_Rabbit · 07-29-2007

Two rednecks, Bubba and Junior, were standing at the base of a flagpole, and looking up. A blonde lady walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The blonde took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."

DaveB · 07-29-2007

From UK Bike magazine in the early eighties & supposedly all true.

Fast Freddie Spencer would neither ride nor race if he was carrying an injury. It was due to his beliefs. He wore a knee protector down to a knife-edge in practice for a Moto GP and the sharp edge cut his leg quite badly below the knee. The works Honda team then announced that he would not ride in the race. Two of his competitors had a discussion that was overheard:

Rider 1 "Have you heard that Spencer won't be riding in the GP?"
Rider 2 "No. Why's that?"
Rider 1 "Beacause he's cut his knee."
Rider 2 "How did he do that? Shaving?"

DaveB.

Airbrush-Andy · 07-29-2007

Some people are like slinkies, they put a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs!!