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Here are a couple more:
Soldering iron: an electrical device used to liquefy solder, a silvery metal substance used to decorate clothing with attractive metallic splashes. Can also be used to melt insulation on wires and start minor fires when set down inappropriately. Can also be used to decorate wood, or burn initials into wooden tool handles.
Socket Wrench: a machine used to apply rotational force to fasteners, usually bolts or nuts. The most common method to apply force with a socket wrench is to reach into the engine from the only available direction that provides sufficient access, get the socket onto the bolt or nut using telekinesis, and then hold the most uncomfortable body position possible for 30-500 minutes while ratcheting the socket 1/263 of a turn at a time. The task is completed when the bolt begins to turn quite a bit easer than it did for the last ¼ to ½ turn.
Wife: one of the most versatile of all tools, capable of holding parts while they are fastened into place, providing beverages, locating tools that have mysteriously made their way to the top of the washing machine, applying basic first aid, keeping children and/or pets away from disassembled engines, driving to emergency rooms, and providing various levels of supervision and safety recommendations. Also serves as a fail-safe chronicle of selected aspects of all past projects. It should be noted that these tremendous capabilities are secondary functions of a wife, at least to some of us.
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"Every time that we try to lift a problem from our own shoulders, and shift that problem to the hands of the government, to the same extent we are sacrificing the liberties of our people." --John F. Kennedy
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