Welcome to the human race! We're all fallible, have moments of weakness, and are flawed - it's all part of the human condition - otherwise we'd all be more than human.
Don't be too hard on yourself prairie rat it sounds as if you have a conscience & want to do the right thing. Honour is different things to different people it can cover morality, duty, kindness, self sacrifice and a plethora of things, what matters is that you
try to be true to your own belief system.
In my opinion (for what it's worth) what matters (amongst other things) is putting right what you've done wrong where you can, making a contribution as best we can, trying not to make the same mistakes twice, trying to improve ourselves whilst having tolerance and forgiveness of the failings in ourselves as well as others. Change what you can - accept what you can't.
Take it steady.....life's for living don't waste it regretting what you can't change - that can be destructive - just learn from it and that's never comfortable or easy........I'm sure we've all felt as you feel at the moment at some time or another, as we all tend to be our own severest critics.
Chin up mate!